When I was in high school I felt lost. I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, trichotillomania, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). I felt the pain of the people around me and the world and felt powerless against it. Depression whispered that I would be depressed forever and that I would never get better or feel happy. Depression whispered I had no purpose and no future. Anxiety shouted that I was never good enough and never would be. It took me 17 years to learn that I matter. That we all matter. I am in my early 20s and still figuring it out and that is okay.
I started volunteering and when I saw that my volunteer work has the ability to help people. I knew I wanted to spend my life helping others in some way, but I still am not sure in exactly what way yet.
The things that kept me going when I felt helpless and like I had no future, or the things that gave me a reason for going on, were the small acts of kindness. The card my friends made, where they wrote kind messages after my Grandmother died. The cup of tea my friend made me as she sat with me in a closet after a panic attack. The food my friends brought me when my mom was in the hospital, so I would eat something. The strangers who handed me tissues when I started crying because I had just lost a close relative. The strangers who invited me to their birthday party my first week at a new school after moving across the state.
Likewise, I never realized how much I affected the people around me. Holding my friend’s hand when she reported her sexual assault; talking to my friend all night when she was having a rough time; smiling and having lunch with the new guy; smiling and being kind to a boy who was being bullied and wanted a friend; giving my friend a journal that helped her sort out her personal issues and helped her find her passion for writing. Now, she has a blog and graduated college as an English major.
Don’t doubt your worth or that you have a purpose. Sometimes it takes time to figure my life out, and that is okay. Every day you are making an impact and leaving small footprints. Maybe you introduced a song to your friend and that song helped them through a dark period. Maybe you smiled at someone who was struggling and that smile gave them a little hope. How incredible is that? Maybe you gave someone a mug as a gift and now it is their favorite mug and they use it to make tea after a panic attack. Someone will think of something you did and smile. Maybe you showed kindness and love during a hard time and made getting through the day a little easier for them. Every smile, every time you volunteer, every act of kindness, every gift and every hello makes an impact, probably a bigger impact than you will ever know.
Your kindness and love are a gift. You are uniquely you and that is a gift. Maybe you don’t know your life calling yet. That is okay. You make an impact on this world and in people’s lives daily, and that is amazing and beautiful. You are so beautifully enough just as you are, so take up all the space you need, and never apologize for it.
Recovery Is Possible 